And that's a full circle

After all this failed old-fashioned dating, I've come to the conclusion that online dating cannot actually be worse. Right? Well, after three years I'm going to give it another shot.

I have now set up what I think is a witty and amusing, while honest, profile. So it's probably terrible. Anyway, like every site, this one uses "algorithms" to match you with other users based on a bunch of pointless questions you've answered. So I'm checking these out, and I have a (good?) habit of reading the profile before I *really* look at the pictures.

I click on the first one. The profile picture is a far off shot of a guy and a dog in a nice landscape so I gloss over it and start reading. I'm reading thinking, "Yah. Uh huh. Cool. I like that too! Nice. Ha ha. Cool. Coolcoolcool." And then I'm thinking, "Wait. Why does this sound so famili.... oh no. No. No, it can't be." But sure enough I click on the tiny profile picture and, oh yes, it's Reese. REESE GODDAMMIT! With a dog! Reese doesn't have a dog! So not is it only false fecking advertising, but seriously?!? You've got to be f#*king kidding me!!!

UNIVERSE! WHY DO YOU INSIST I DATE A PSYCHOPATH?!?

Obviously we're good on paper but maybe there needs to be some story of mental stability test. Here are a couple of suggested questions:

Q1. Someone you've only had a few dates with tells you, very nicely, that they just don't feel a connection. Do you...
(a) ...thank them for their honesty and move on. Plenty of other fish in the sea (and the site come to think of it)?
(b) ...get mad, tell them to go screw themselves and stew for a week?
(c) ...say that's fine, then send them horrible emails and letters and start stalking them until they want you back?

Q2. You've stopped dating and the other person isn't accepting your offer of friendship. Do you...
(a) ...decide they obviously aren't worth it and stop reaching out?
(b) ...figure they aren't getting your messages so send even more?
(c) ...send them a letter with a cheque trying to buy their friendship? (And don't forget to add in some super creepy "friendship" pictures because they will *love* that!)

We know where Reese went with these in real life, but maybe he can actually answer them correctly on paper such that the test wouldn't actually be very helpful.

Anyway, there might be some decent people out there. I should probably  just fork out and pay for a real dating website. But we'll see...